Not to sound like a major drama queen, but I am at a pivotal juncture in my life.
For the past several years I have trying to strip away the distractions, the mind games, the emotional vampires, etc. which were keeping me from doing what I feel impelled to do. I have finished removing a major one today. (Although I have somehow managed to book up every weekend for the rest of the summer, which is not helpful) Now it is up to me; thus today's title.
Until I started writing I never had felt a calling for anything. I felt driftless, in fact. Now I have this drive which wont release me. I must see this to its natural conclusion. It's what I'm meant to do; I don't know how to describe it any other way.
I am obsessed, to a degree I have never experienced before. I'm not sure I want to experience this again, either. It's like a vortex building inside of me and I'm desperate to get the rest of this story out.
But I have to let go of the obsession for me to finish the last step. The intensity of the energy of obsession in itself, has become a distraction.
Ironically I keep thinking of St Catherine of Siena. She espoused that if you wanted to commune with God, then you needed to want it with every fiber of your being. Then, as you get really near that mindset where you can almost feel the connection, then you must let go of your intense desire to commune with the divine. That last step requires just letting yourself be and having faith in the process.
Although I am trying to connect with my inner Greek Muse more than God, I figure my subconscious is telling me something for this to keep popping in my head.
No comments:
Post a Comment